I Genuinely Thought It Would Be Different

How the hell did I get here? My life is the EXACT opposite of how I pictured it. When did my little girl fantasies become the things that actually tortured me?

You see, when we obsess over something, we don’t even realize all of the precious things that fall apart from those destructive thoughts. Our mental energy can actually be the thing that tears apart our body and emotions at the cellular level.

How did I not know this?

I guess I spent so much time crumbling, I did not see how circular this life is. Toxic energy from comparison and prolonged grief DIRECTLY affects our ability to move into that light flowing direction we were suppose to charter course to the whole time.

Take it from my, the sorrow of life is not linear. It’s up and down, open and closed, near and far, deep and shallow. Don’t spend time wishing it away. Jesus was a man of deep grief. Stop telling yourself to get over it. Let’s move THROUGH it. Let’s take it’s thorns, remove them from the wall of our hearts, and place them in a jar that remains close to our being. I do not want to forget what has happened. It keeps me present to the suffering of other women. It helps me see right into their pain and their longing.

We all long for relief from tragedy. I think that’s just part of being a human being at this point. Not a single place on planet earth is exempt from the shattered architecture of life and the sin that so easily entangles.

I just want to talk about how to deal with all of this shit.

2 things…

You don’t do anything

and yet you do everything.

All of your effort can go to healing, and yet that honey balm only comes from one source. Please don’t get discouraged I just want to focus on the flow of an inevitably confusing story.

Jesus came to save, AND he waits for your permission. He waits for us to kick our ass into gear and get to pushing that tire down the beach (thank you Baywatch for that visual lol.)

Please keep going. You are not finished or alone or stuck doing this on your own. Believe me, I’ve been down that road. I tried so hard to isolate myself from the Great Love and Mercy. But He kept coming to drag me out of the dark. So annoying sometimes lol.

But like a sloppy wet kiss from a golden retriever, our face is not safe from that Beloved Exposure. He will fight hell to get you to see His face.

Don’t be dismayed by how dark it feels. Your time is coming to soar again. So just take slow breaths. One at a time.

Keep calm and…..

Not sure how to end this because nothing is finished. That’s the point!